Roughly 40 percent of first marriages end in divorce in the US. Despite the very high possibility that a marriage won’t last, there’s still a strong stigma attached to being a divorcee.
If you feel there are signs that you’ve outgrown your partner, you should be aware of them. Moreover, you should be aware of how they affect you, your partner, and even your kids.
For generations, divorcees have been judged, shunned, and even considered a threat to happily married couples. Fortunately, research is shedding light on the truth about divorcees. Read on for the good news about people who are divorced.
Marriage Ain’t What It Used to Be
The institution of marriage has only been around for approximately 4,000 years. In the context of human history, that’s not a long time.
Back then, marriages happened for reasons such as security, reproduction, and sharing of resources. In time, modern religions became incorporated into marriage traditions. Marriage then became seen as the societal ideal.
Simply put, if you weren’t married, there was something seriously wrong with you.
In recent centuries, the concept of romantic love became a feature of marriage. The idea of romanticism created an expectation of white weddings and harmonious households.
What is the point of all this? Marriage no longer holds the same value as it used to. It’s no longer necessary for societal security and acceptance.
Times Are Changing
Any married person will agree that a healthy marriage takes hard work. Much of your personal happiness might need to be sacrificed to make a marriage work, which may lead to periods of unhappiness. When the hard times outweigh good times or conflict resolution no longer resolve disputes, it’s better to step away from it.
On the other hand, marriages can work out the first time around. The effort and dedication couples pour into their relationship can be worthwhile and fulfilling. Before considering getting a divorce, couples should exhaust all means of help through counseling and reconciliation.
These days, living single doesn’t make you a societal outcast. It means that you’ve made a difficult decision to put yourself first. The good news is that divorced people are often happier and more fulfilled than their married counterparts.
What About the Figures?
Research on the effects of divorces increased as divorce rates peaked in the ’70s and ’80s. The breakdown of marriage concerned many researchers. They considered the breakdown in relationships as going against morals and family values.
So began several decades of psychological studies, seeking to confirm the hypothesis that divorce was ultimately not suitable for individuals or society.
Sure enough, studies began to hit the headlines claiming that married people are generally happier and healthier than single people. However, these research methods were flawed, and the media misreported the results.
Life Can Be Better After Divorce
Research suggests that the overall wellbeing of test candidates diminished as they approached their divorce and improved. Results were inconclusive as to whether candidates achieved original satisfaction and the time it took for candidates to see improvements in their moods.
Logically, this makes sense. The breakdown of any relationship is a challenging life event.
Making final attempts to patch things up while living in a hostile environment can be very stressful. Studies indicate that the last weeks or months of a failing marriage are much more stressful than the subsequent divorce.
What Does This Mean?
Fear of being alone, being socially shunned, or not having the ability to cope as a singleton has kept people in abusive or unhappy marriages for centuries. Marriage was seen as the key to a moral and safe society.
Now, it’s understood that this is not necessarily the case. So what are the benefits of being divorced?
The Positive Side of Being Divorced: A New Lease on Life
Once the pain has subsided after a divorce, many people discover a new lease on life. It’s a time to reconnect with your passions and interests, to spend time rediscovering yourself as an individual and doing things for your enjoyment only.
This is why many divorcees cite experiencing a new lease on life after their marriage ended. One of the benefits of being divorced is that you can be much happier than when you were married.
Don’t Stay Together for the Kids
Staying together for the kids has long been cited as an acceptable reason to stay married. A recent study suggests that today nearly half of married couples only remain together for their kids.
While parental separation is undeniably harmful to children, more recent evidence suggests it’s far more harmful to children to live in hostile environments.
Children who witness their parents fighting and suffering see what they can expect from an adult relationship. Parents who choose to divorce are showing their children not to accept the unhappy relationship and put their happiness first when they’re adults.
The good news about divorced peopled is that they’re showing their kids the value of their happiness.
People Who Are Divorced Can Be Better Partners
People who are divorced make better romantic partners. Nothing teaches you more about what you need from a relationship than having one break down completely.
Divorced people have not only shown that they’re capable of commitment (by getting married in the first place), but they’ve discovered what they’re not looking for in a relationship.
After an experience as traumatic as a divorce, a person will likely have learned a great deal about themselves and will bring that valuable self-knowledge and clarity to their next relationship.
They’ll be keen not to repeat any mistakes and will know where things went wrong in their previous relationship.
The Good News for Divorcees
In summary, the excellent news about divorced peopled is that they can be happier than when married and be better parents and partners.
If you or a loved one are currently struggling with divorce and need some support, contact us.
